If clients are grounded. present and connected, they get optimum results in EMDR therapy for anxiety. They feel better. Anxiety and PTSD symptoms get better when I do EMDR with them. So, I check in during EMDR processing and I ask, “How grounded are you?” Continue reading “EMDR Therapy for Anxiety: Grounded, Present, Connected”
Be kind and compassionate with yourself
My advice is be kind and compassionate with yourself, closely followed by advice to ground yourself and be mindful. Your mind and feelings will scare you less, the more you practice being present in the now. Being kind and compassionate with yourself, grounding yourself and being mindful can help you deal with overthinking, crying at work, feeling overwhelmed and the trauma of the times we’re living through. These things can help you feel better now and support your future wellbeing. (Techniques below.) Continue reading “Be kind and compassionate with yourself”
Coping skills for COVID-19: Thought Stopping
If coping skills for COVID-19, like thought stopping, aren’t working for you, it’s not you. Coping skills are all well and good, but this pandemic is a not just a stressor, it’s a global trauma; many people are experiencing intense symptoms as a result. Coping skills for COVID-19 may not be enough. Continue reading “Coping skills for COVID-19: Thought Stopping”
Mood, Motivation and COVID-19
Mood and motivation often take a nose dive because of COVID-19 and all the problems of the pandemic. Shut downs, quarantine, loneliness, isolation, flashbacks, trauma triggers, bad memories, painful thoughts of the past… I wanted to offer several suggestions and a couple of psychology concepts that might help. That’s me, I love talking about psychology. I’m eager to help. Continue reading “Mood, Motivation and COVID-19”
Finding Meaning in Life and Purpose
Finding meaning in life leads us to deeper sense of purpose. Meaning and purpose lead us to feel that we have a reason to live and life is worth living. Unfortunately, our current circumstances prevent us from engaging in so many of the activities we enjoy and find meaningful. I wanted to bring something new to the table, and I thought Viktor Frankl’s ideas might offer us a new way of looking at our experience. Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, talks about our inherent drive to find life meaningful. Continue reading “Finding Meaning in Life and Purpose”
Is Now A Good Time To Start Therapy?
Yes, now Is a good time to start therapy, in case you were wondering. While you’re staying home, sheltering in place, quarantined, staying safe from COVID-19 coronavirus you have more time available. Negative thoughts seem to pop up more. As a result of the lack of variety, lack of social events, and boredom, it’s hard to distract from those negative thoughts. Therefore, as a therapist, I recommend dealing with them. I recommend that you start therapy now. Continue reading “Is Now A Good Time To Start Therapy?”
Coronavirus and Therapy: Stress, anxiety, flashbacks
THERAPY REALLY WORKS
In recent weeks of the coronavirus pandemic I’ve had clients say, therapy really works, I feel like I can handle this now. I am free, I feel so much lighter, I feel like I dropped baggage I’ve been carrying for years, I’ve learned to keep myself safe. These are paraphrases of the words of my clients at the end of a processing session. I don’t want to quote anyone directly and I don’t want to breach confidentiality so I won’t use clients’ actual words or scenarios.
STUCK AT HOME
Some people are introverts and happy to be working at home. They’re more productive than ever. Others are extroverts and are suffering. They’re missing seeing people. Video conferencing just isn’t the same. Some are having a hard time for other reasons. They’re anxious. Their moods are down. Some are worrying about death and thinking about God and religion. Some are totally distracted and stressed that they’re not getting enough done as a result. Finding it hard to focus. They’re wishing they had a separate space for their work. Missing their office, their facilities, public spaces. Wishing they could still go to the gym. Making a million trips a day to the fridge. You probably saw a meme about that, right? Client miss going outdoors. There’s a meme about borrowing a dog so you can go for a walk while on lockdown.
Some people are lucky to be home during coronavirus shelter in place with their loved ones. But not everyone has that. Some only have their loved ones at home some of the time. Clients are feeling better when they get exercise. Some are going for groceries every day as a reason to get out of the house. Some are spending too much money on shopping. Others are spending too much time on social media. Some are feeling overwhelmed by the bad news in the media, so they’re shutting it off.
THERAPY CONCEPTS AND COPING SKILLS
When I talk with clients, we choose what to focus on in a session together. Often, a theme emerges early in the session. Naturally the theme that has come up most often in therapy has been coronavirus. Depending on what the client needs, I might present a concept like the window of tolerance. Then we might practice coping skills to help them get back into their window of tolerance. We practice imagining a relaxing place, containing bothersome thoughts, imagining their TV screen can play a nature channel and they can watch the Big Sur or Mexican beach channel, taking a one-minute vacation, being mindful, setting an alarm every hour to breathe 10 times and check in to notice what they’re feeling and thinking.
RESOURCES
You can find these exercises and many more in Francine Shapiro’s book for practitioners on Eye Movement Reprocessing and Desensitization (EMDR), Tapping In: A Step By Step Guide to Activating Your Healing Resources Through Bilateral Stimulation by Laurel Parnell, Fred Luskin’s books Stress Free for Good and Forgive for Good, The Happiness Trap: How To Stop Struggling and Start Living by Russ Harris, a book about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World a mindfulness based stress reduction program by Mark Williams and Danny Penman and thoroughly researched at Cambridge University. You can find the meditations in the book at Mindfulness and Meditation Downloads . Yes, laugh with me. Humor is healthy. It’s true, I like to learn and read a lot.
PROCESSING PAINFUL EXPERIENCES FROM THE PAST
Getting back to the topic of working with clients, some clients noticed that what was so hard about being on lockdown in order to prevent the spread of corona virus was connected with the past. In therapy, I guided clients through processing.
These past weeks in therapy, when clients needed to process how it feels to stay home because of coronavirus, it was because the current situation was brought up something that happened in their past. They made connections between the current situation and painful episodes in their past. For some, it was their childhoods. Of course their childhood comes up. The child from the past lives inside of us in our memories. That child self holds unresolved pain from the past. That child made decisions about how to respond to difficult situations that still inform the decisions they make today. When we process, clients gradually release the pain stored in the memories of the child. They begin to form a sense of what it would have been like to have parents who cared for them appropriately. We eventually learn to reject what was not healthy and form new beliefs, new thoughts and feelings and provide for ourselves what we didn’t get as children.
BLOSSOMING
My clients did beautiful work. I often use the metaphor of a flower opening. I put the heels of my palms together and gently open my hands. Each flower opens in its own timing and has a unique arrangement of petals, its own beauty. For me, that unfolding reflects the clients’ process. Although I facilitate the processing, the clients direct where it goes and how it unfolds. In that sense, it is self-directed. The insights, wisdom, self-protective energy, strength, humor, healing and repair emerge from within the clients. The beauty of the process is so unique and so moving. I have had scalp chills, tears and laughter these last few weeks.
IF YOU NEED HELP SCHEDULE A FREE CONSULT
If you are not doing well and feel you need some coping skills to get through this difficult time of coronavirus or therapy with a trusted therapist to help you process your past, please schedule a free consult with me.
Mindfulness Challenge
Mindfulness is good for your mood, good for helping you to think more clearly, helps connect to and accept your feelings, and it’s good for your health. I’m sure there’s more to it. Advanced forms of mindfulness tend to be spiritual and … in my words… feed your soul.
This is a first-step challenge. It’s super simple, but the more you practice it, the more you realize it does.
This introductory mindfulness challenge is to count to 10 and let it create space in the moment. When you have the time and space, count 1 to 10 as many times as you like. When you reach 10 start over again at 1 and keep going. Try to do it at least 10 times a day.
Notice what each of your senses is perceiving. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel with your sense of touch, e.g., the shirt on your shoulders, your body on a chair or your feet on the ground? What do you smell? What do you taste?
Counting to 10 can have pretty far-reaching effects if it’s your kind of practice. If you don’t want to try it, that’s fine. May I suggest that you put in the parking lot of coping skills you choose not to use? If it seems like you might want to take it out for a spin at some later point, go for it!
Last week, I did this on the treadmill at the gym. I noticed I was counting 1 step, step, step, step, 2, step, step, step, step, 3, etc. You get the point. For whatever reason, my body and mind were slowing the count to four steps per count… There were a number of times during the day when I tried to count, but didn’t even get to 4 before I got lost in my thoughts. Today in the sauna, I sat up straight, tried to connect with my spine and balance my head over my sit bones. Just think about it. There’s the cervical curve of your neck, the thoracic curve of your chest that curves in the opposite direction, the lumbar curve of your spine and the pelvis. Somehow the 10 pound / 4.5 kg weight of your head has to find center and the four curves of your spine have to support your head… Anyway, it was quite a challenge to sit up straight, and belly breathe. I slowed my breathing way down and counted to 10 very, very slowly. It was challenging and forced out all my other thoughts.
Coping skills to the rescue: Compartmentalizing decreases stress, anxiety, trauma
12 “Happiness Activities” and 10 “LifeSkills”
Stress Management, Stress Relief and the Happiness Connection
Date:
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Exercise
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Time**
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Pre–Stress / Relax Rating
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Pre BP
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Post-Stress/ Relax Rating
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Post BP
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1. Belly Breathing
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2. Guided Relaxation
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3. Give Thanks / Gratitude
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4. Appreciate Your Self
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Belly Breathing, 3 minutes
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Take and record pre-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Breathe air in slowly so your belly goes up and down for 3 minutes (but don’t hyperventilate!). It might help to rest your hands gently on your belly so you can feel them lift as your breathe and fall as you breathe out. Some sources recommend holding the breath for a count of three after breathing in and after breathing out.
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Record your post-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Guided Relaxation, 3 minutes
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Take and record pre-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Mentally talk yourself through physical relaxation from toe to crown of head. Feel free to concentrate more on any area of your body that needs it. Breathe whenever you want throughout. Here’s an example. If you use the following script, read it slowly and stretch it out over 3 minutes:
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Record your post-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Giving thanks / Gratitude, 3 minutes
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Take and record pre-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Spend 3 minutes (or any period of time) thinking about all the things you are grateful for, and all the things you appreciate in life. What are you grateful for? Think of the categories do, be, have. I am grateful that I can do ____________, that I have __________, that I am ______________. Who are you grateful for? Family, friends, heroes, people who have been kind, leaders, people who love you. One of my favorite stories is about a mother who counted all her chickens, literally. She had chicken for dinner every week when she could afford it. She happily counted all the times she had chicken for dinner. She reviewed her life, where she lived, the family gathered for the meal, and her life events by reviewing week after week, chicken by chicken. (Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen, 1996, Penguin Putnam.)
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Record your post-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Appreciate all that you do and all that you are, 3 minutes
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Take and record pre-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Spend 3 minutes appreciating “the things that you do that are loving or helpful.” Give yourself credit for all the times you’ve really tried, what you have tried to accomplish, even if you didn’t succeed, and your successes. Keep Thomas Edison in mind. He spent years developing the light bulb. Someone else beat him to the patent, so he formed a joint venture, EdiSwan, with the other guy. Even more important for beating stress, don’t focus on accomplishment, as much as positive qualities. Reflect on the positive aspects of your character, who you are, the effort you make in your life, what you’re good at, and what makes you happy.
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Record your post-exercise blood pressure and pulse, and a 1-10 or 1-100 stressed/relaxed rating.
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Date:
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Exercise
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Time**
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Pre- Stress / Relax Rating
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Pre BP
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Post- Stress / Relax Rating
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Post BP
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1. Belly Breathing
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2. Guided Relaxation
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3. Giving Thanks / Gratitude
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4. Appreciating Your Self
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Blood pressure is lowest during sleep, rises during the day, peaks in the afternoon or early evening, and then starts going back down.
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The change between pre- and post-exercise blood pressure is the closest approximation of relaxation because blood pressure changes throughout the day.
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If you’re into pure science, it is more reliable if take your blood pressure three times, one minute apart, both before and after the stress-busting exercise and then take an average of the three readings.
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A 1-10 rating has no exact middle. It forces you to choose 1-5 or 6-10 whether you’re more relaxed or more stressed. The middle of a 0-10 rating is 5.
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0 or 1 is the most relaxed possible and 10 or 100 is maximum stress, for uniformity. That way we can discuss levels of stress and relaxation and our numbers will mean the same thing.